Over those years I’ve seen and thought about my parents as being the strongest people in the world.  My dad would tell us about the terrible times he had living in the racist south. He would also tell us about the good times.  My mom would tell us similar stories about growing up in New Jersey. Throughout it all I never envisioned that my parents would get older. They are now 86(dad) and 81(mom). I quests I have been in some sort of denial.  The reality is that I am also getting older (now 57).

The older I get I find that I have more similarities with my parents than differences.  If you told me that would be the case 40 years ago, I would have bet my entire pack of gum (I didn’t have any money then) that could not have happened.  I often wonder how my kids see me. Will they bet their entire pack of gum that they will not be like me? I feel it’s inevitable that we become the product of the adults (most of the time they’re our parents) who we’re around when we are young.

Recently my role as a son has been changed to that of a caregiver.  I make sure all the medicines they take are up to date, I pay some of their bills and I go to see them as often as I can. It is painful watching them go through this stage of their lives but, it’s an honor to be able to help them.  My sister, my brother and I get a great deal of pleasure making sure they’re OK. We all feel that we owe them.  These are the same two people who stood by us during our tough times and it is our job not to abandon them now.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!

The cold war, for those who are too young to know, was a confrontation that existed between the United States and Russia.  It wasn’t a traditional war where troops fought each other on a battle field. It was a war of ideologies. Each country felt that their way of life was the best and each used various things to under mind the other in an attempt to show who was superior.  Some of those things included the space race and spying (this is real James Bond stuff). The closest we came to a physical confrontation was during the Cuban Missile Crisis (1962).

Growing up as a Black American, the civil rights movement was something that seemed to overwhelm the whole community.  Our main concern was to achieve equal rights.  I can remember seeing those horrific pictures of hangings, people being sprayed with fire hoses and seeing people, who didn’t want equal rights, carrying signs calling us the “N” word.

I can also remember my dad, who grew up in the south during the 1920’s and 1930’s, telling us stories that would make your hair stand on edge.  Those stories included all the things that Black America experienced during those times. The voting rights act of 1965 eased a little of the injustice, but it would be after many years and after many pieces of legislation before some sort of equality could exist.

As a positive parent my dad never played the race card with us.  Although he had some horrible experiences as young man growing up in the south, he never seemed to carry any hate toward those who were against him.  He always taught us that there were balances in life. He taught us that although there were those who were very cruel, there were also those who were very kind. These human traits exist beyond the color of our skins and we should not waist our time placing blame on people for things that went on 50 or 60 years ago. This is not to say that things like racism don’t exist. In some parts of this country and in some parts of the world, people are struggling to achieve basic human rights.

In his role as a positive parent, my dad feels that hate is a disease that cannot be turned on or off. He feels that despite whatever negative experiences we may have had with others (real or imagined); our main concern should be to become the best person that we could become. 

I’d love to read what you think.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!

As positive parents, both my dad and my mom kept reminding us that it is just a hairline that separates us from being THOSE people.  They would show us the stories in the newspaper of people who, through no fault of their own, lost it all.  These people became victim to a variety of circumstances.  In those articles it could be seen that these were hard working people. The only thing they did was cross that hairline and that’s what changed their lives. 

My parents would have us envision how our lives would be if we were wearing THOSE shoes.  They wanted us to see that our lives could be a lot different than what it is at present.

They talked about how those consistent things were not only a good thing but, they were also a blessing. It’s a blessing to have a job, a place to live and food to eat.  Like most kids, mine have a great deal more. When I include cable television, video games, cell phones, etc., it’s even more of a reason to be thankful. 

When the opportunity availed itself, my parents would always share with us the follow up stories about some of those people. In some cases there were success stories, in others there were stories of continued struggles.  In each of these stories it was clear that all of these people were working hard to change their situation.

I do the best I can to pass on to my kids that it is hard work that defines who we are.  It’s this hard work that builds character.  There are times when any one of us could be on either side of this hairline but it is through hard work and a continued faith that we can become useful members of society.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

Despite whatever we think, as positive parents it is our moral obligation to take care of our kids. This must be in effect whether we are with them or not.  We should not allow our kids to suffer because we are no longer in love with their mother.  We must get our minds clear and come to the realization that our kids didn’t ask to come here.  They are here because of the choices we made.

In this state (New York) as throughout the country there are strict rules regarding child support.  In this state these are the breakdowns   17% for one child.  25% for 2 children.  29% for 3 children.  31% for 4 children.  35% for 5 or more children.  These percentages are based on your gross pay (that’s before taxes).  The payments will go on until the child is 21 years old.

As a positive parent, I’ve been paying child support for the past seven years. In the beginning I had all feelings of the other dads I talked about earlier.  I soon came to realize that none of that mattered.  The only thing that was important was that I was doing what I was supposed to do.  That was taking care of my kid.  There are times when my finances are short because of my obligation. The one thing that is true is that I don’t have to look over my shoulder. I am not worried about the authorities coming after me.

Paying child support is our moral obligation to our kids.  If we claim to be positive parents we have to pay.

This is my opinion.  I would love to read what your opinion is.

I LOVE BEING A DAD !!

Mr. Acosta, Jonathan, Miss Winderman

School’s out for summer. I really love that song by Alice Cooper.  As a child I could not wait for the school year to end.  It gave me all time I needed to play, play, and play.  It was a great feeling for the sun to be out until 9 or 10 pm.  Although, my parents never let me stay out that long, it was still nice to have a long day.  For two months I didn’t have to worry about doing homework or preparing for tests.  I could now focus on what was real important, being a kid.

 Although I wasn’t a great athlelete I used to have a lot of fun participating in all sports activities that were available.  In those days we had a lot city programs to keep us occupied.  There were basketball and softball tournaments and I remember spending one summer in North Carolina.  Those were the days. I look back and cherish all those great memories.

Jonathan, my youngest son, has just finished kindergarten.  As every positive parent, his mom and I were very nervous how his first year would be. We were concerned if he would get along with his teacher and how he would interact with his class mates.  We wanted him to be successful, even though this was just kindergarten and not the end of the world.

Our fears were laid to rest at the first parent-teacher meeting.  As a positive parent I am always concerned about the job that I’m doing.  It was at this meeting that I really saw how important it is for my child to be around a person who practices positive teaching.  From his first day Jonathan loved going to school.  As the school year progressed, his mother and I became very impressed with what he was learning and what he was able to do.  He started out not being able to read or write. By the year he was able to identify many simple words, have an understanding of some complicated words, and gain some skills in basic penmanship and a host of other skills.  Granted he’s not ready to read or write his first novel but, we saw a marked improvement from where he was to where he is right now. We give credit to his kindergarten teachers for the success he has experienced.

I want to thank Miss Winderman and Mr. Acosta. It is because of you that Jonathan had such a successful year.  You both are great examples of what positive teaching is all about.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

Deshawn, Wendell Sr., Wendell Jr., Ernest (Grandpa)

Hello.  My name is Wendell Jordan Jr.  I am guest blogging for my dad for Father’s Day.  I am the father of two very lovely children Kamaria and Amir.  I want to talk about raising a son.

I have a 14 month son named Amir.  I chose that name because of its meaning, leader or Prince.  I wanted to give him a name that would forge his character before he was born.  Now that he is here, I look to the lessons my father has taught me about being a young man and a father.  I can remember him telling me that we (my brother and I) were the most important in his life and that nothing came before us.  No matter what else he had going on; my father was always at any important event in my life.  From my elementary school graduation to taking my pregnant wife and I to the hospital and sitting with us until 3AM when he had to be at work at 7AM.  Even though my son is still a baby, I practice these same habits.  I’ve never missed a check up or immunization shot because I wanted him to know that daddy is never too busy for him.

One of the most fondest memories with my father is the time he kept me home from school in the 6^th grade to take me to see the new “Star Trek” movie.  He took me because he was a bit of a “trekked” and he wanted to share his love of the series with me.  I don’t remember anything about the movie but I know that I enjoyed it because I was with my dad and he loved it.   Now I try to include Amir in everything I love, from basketball to video games.

Another thing my father taught me was to be supportive of anything my son may decide to do with his life (as long as it legal).  I may not be able to practice this for a few years but my father laid the ground work thick.  I have tried a variety of different jobs over my short 27 year life but my father always showed full support.  He always says “good for you, work hard at it to see if you like it and if you don’t you’re young, you have time to try many options “.  My father is and has been a great influence on me raising my son to be the leader I want him to become.

My Mom

Mother’s Day is one of the most treasured holidays of the year.  This is because without mom, our lives would be void.  This is not to say that dads are not equally important, but I want to save that discussion for June 20.

My experience with my mom is one of great memories.  She has been my sister’s, my brother’s and my greatest supporter.  At a very young age, I can remember my mom explaining to us the importance of family and demonstrating that with her acts of kindness and love.  She wanted us to understand that each of us were different individuals with our own strengths and weaknesses. She has never shown any favoritism in that she gives each of us the same amount of love.

She earned her Associate Degree when the three of us were grown with our own children, showing us was that it is never too late to reach for our goals.

As an artist she felt that each of us needed an outlet to channel our creativity.  She has taken us to the many museums and art shows here in New York City.  My favorite was the show that takes place in the Greenwich Village.  We would go there every year around Labor Day and walk for hours (or it seemed so) enjoying the various types of art that were on display.  It was during this time that I learned from her how to express what I did or did not like. She has never been critical of how we viewed the art. We didn’t have to see it her way.  I enjoyed going to that show so much that I would travel from Cleveland (I lived there for 13 years) just so I could go there with her.

My mom started a tradition where we have to say “I Love You” to each other whenever we ended a phone conversation or parted ways.  It is my opinion that she never wanted any disagreements to form a wedge between any of us.

In March, 2009 my mom had a stroke and we weren’t sure whether she was going to make it.  She stayed in Jamaica Hospital (Jamaica, NY) for over a month.  It was very difficult to watch someone who was so vibrant and so full of life to lie in a hospital bed unconscious with a feeding tube.  Thank God for all those hands (the doctors and nurses) because I feel it was because of them that she was able to recover and come home.  She is doing much better (not 100%) and we feel very blessed that we can still enjoy her.

Stop What You Are Doing!!!  Call or go see your mom. Tell her how much you love her and wish her a HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

It was a couple of years before the divorce was final.  I did the best I could to use this time to heal their hurt feelings.  I, on many occasions, told them that our separation and divorce had nothing to do with them.  I have heard of many stories where the kids blame themselves for the relationship failure.

The ten year old seem to adjust easier than the older one.  The older one had seen me go through many changes in my life.  Despite it all, he still seemed to have a hidden anger with me.  It was not until he came to live with me and my new wife that our relationship began to change for the better.  He didn’t stay with us very long, but we both used that time to really get a better understanding of what we were both about.

Today I am proud to say that I have a great relationship with both of these kids. I don’t think they understand what went on with their mother and I and they don’t need to.  I believe what made things successful is that I never talked bad about their mother. I feel that is an important issue.  Whether they are together or not, positive parents should never use their kids as emotional ping pong balls. I feel it   was and is important to build up the relationship between myself and my kids.  Trying to destroy my ex wife by talking negatively about her in front of my kids would only put a wedge in between all of us.

Divorce is a difficult thing for the whole family.  I feel that as positive parents it becomes our responsibility to put our personal feelings aside and put the feelings of our kids upfront.

This is my opinion. I’d love to read what you think.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

My oldest son is the only one of my kids who lived through those years.  He was 6 or 7 when I stopped.   The other three kids will hopefully never see me as a drinker or drug user.

I bring this up to highlight the fact that in order to be a positive parent, that parent should not be under the influence.  The effect of this can be a destructive thing on the family.  In my own case, my addiction kept my mind in a constant fog and all my decisions revolved around getting the next feel good.

There is no way a parent can have sound thinking while under the influence.  We hear of the many stories of kids getting hurt or killed while riding with a parent under the influence.  I cringe with the thoughts of my past when I did the very same thing and am very thankful that no harm was done.

There is another powerful drug that can be equally dangerous to our kids, That drug is nicotine.  My oldest son, also, was the only one to see me smoke cigarettes.  It didn’t dawn on me the damage I was doing to my kid until after I stopped.  This kid kept colds and ear infections.  My other kids remained very healthy.  It was the second hand smoke that was doing the harm.

In order for me to be the best positive parent I can be, I have to be constantly aware of those things that may bring me back to that life.  I love the life I’m living now and I want to make sure that I can stay around to see my all my kids become positive parents.

This is my opinion.  I’d love to read what your opinion is.  Don’t forget this week’s poll.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!!

When our children accomplish their goals, we are happy and hopeful that they will continue to move on.  We have elaborate parties when they graduate from elementary school.  We label them when they finish middle school.  At the completion of high school we feel that their success is a done deal.

The one thing that we must do in addition to their formal schooling is to give them an education in awareness.  Growing up in a major city my parents continually wanted me to be aware of what my surroundings were.  During those times there were no such things as cell phones or ipods to distract me. In those days the distractions took place in between my ears.  Their goal was to make sure that I remained in the NOW. Being in the NOW requires that I am aware of what’s going on at this moment. Paying attention when I cross the street so I didn’t get hit by cars.  Being able to see far enough ahead of me so that I wouldn’t walk into any type of altercation. It wouldn’t matter that I had an A average if I allowed what was going on around me to hurt me.   Of course there are those times when things happen and nothing could have saved me.  I’m not talking about those times.  My main focus is about those things I have control over.  Like crossing the street.

Through the course of the day I can count many times when I see young people just not paying attention. Some have the ipod so loud or are so engrossed in that phone call that it’s no wonder they can’t cross the street safely or hear that fire truck coming down the street.  When I’m with my kids I make them take those things out of their ears or at least turn the volume down.  I need for us to be aware of each other.  As a positive parent I feel that it is my responsibility to train my kids about being aware of what’s around them.   ……..I have to go now.   My favorite song is playing on my ipod.

These are my opinions.  I’d love to read about what you think.  Vote in this weeks poll.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

( Thanks to all those who contacted me about my WordPress issues.  All of your advise was very helpful.  I was able to upgrade to version 2.9.2.)