It’s interesting to note what was going on and what has changed since the time when my kids were born.

For example, I was born in November, 1952. A loaf of bread cost $.16, milk was $.96/gal, gas was $.27/gal and a postage stamp was $.03. Our country was being led by Harry S. Truman and I loved watching “I Love Lucy” and “The Ed Sullivan Show”.  There were no color televisions during that time.  So There!!

When my first son was born in June, 1983 the prices changed quite a bit.  Bread was $.54/loaf, milk was $1.89/gal, gas was $1.23/gal and to mail a letter it cost $.20. Ronald Regan was our president.  “Knight Rider” and “Magnum P.I.” became my favorite shows to watch.

In March, 1994, when son #2 was born, the prices continued to increase. Bread was $.76/loaf, milk was $2.29/gal, gas was $1.17/gal and stamps were $.29/each.  Bill Clinton was in his first term as U.S. president. “Frasier” and “NYPD Blue” were very popular.

By the time my third son was born in May, 2004, bread sold for $1.05/loaf, milk was $3.00/gal, gas was at $2.17/gal and the postage was $.37. George W. Bush was in his first term as president. It was also one of those times when I voted republican because I felt the Democratic Party was taking the minority vote for granted.

Many things changed during the time between 1952 and 2004. Some say that times have gotten worse. Others have said that times have gotten better. It is my opinion is that it really doesn’t matter. The one thing that had to stay consistent is the way in which we have to be positive parents.

(If you are interested to find out what was going on your birthdate visit dMarie Time Capsule. I found that looking up these dates very fascinating and it brought back many great memories of those times.)

My oldest will turn 29, my #2 is 18 and #3 will soon be 8. It is clear that don’t need me the same as they did when they were babies and it sometimes seems that my usefulness is over. That is until some financial issue comes up and my number is the first one on their speed dial. There was a time when that bothered me. That all changed as I remembered my relationship with my father. When I had issues he would be the first one I would call.

I have grown not to mind the “emergency” call   because I would rather them being in my pocket than that of a stranger. It also keeps me tuned into what is going on with their lives. I have found out that being honest with them about the help I can or cannot give keeps them feeling that they can trust me in those “deep and dark” moments.

My relationship with them has changed from one who is giving constant instruction to one who helps them as they move in the directions they want to move in. In most cases they need just a little tweaking about how they think about things. I do my best not to make my dreams their dreams. I want them to express themselves to the fullest. It would be very hypocritical to do anything else.

I also try to impress upon them that having experience does have its advantages. In some cases I have done or attempted to do these things they are doing or attempting now.

Overall I feel pretty good that the issues they need help in do not involve any criminal activities or any dealings with substance abuse. I hope and pray that this continues because I understand that this could change in a heartbeat

I am very happy that I do not have to provide 24/7 coverage for my kids, except for the soon to be 8 year old, because it gives me more freedom. I don’t have to worry about them doing the basic things correctly. Their mothers and I have done a pretty well in teaching them the differences between what’s right and what’s wrong.

With this new found freedom, I really have the chance to pursue some of my dreams that I have had to put on hold and believe me there is a lot going on between my ears. Maybe all that mental activity is because I forgot to take my medicine. Oh well!!

In any event I feel positive with them being outside the nest. I look forward that my role as a positive parent is continuing to grow.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

The reality is there is no such being as a perfect parent. Unlike when you buy a new computer or home appliance, there is no instruction manual to show the best way to raise a kid. No one at any of the hospitals that my kids were born in gave us the quick start instructions that must be read first before we start raising these kids.

It’s hard to believe that in this society where being number one has so much importance, that there is no manual available that could show me how to be perfect and to raise perfect kids.

A few years ago I did hear of a pill that If taken could produce perfect thinking.  I think it was being tested somewhere in the Midwest and although it worked just like it was designed, it had to be taken off the market. One of the side effects of taking this pill is that it caused one’s head to grow to an enormous size.  It created such a problem in one small town, that there was no room walk on the sidewalks because of these big heads. People were bumping into each other causing concussions and when they were not doing damage to one another, they were creating massive damage to personal property. The other side effect is that it caused those who took it to have stomach problems. The gasses that were produced as a result of this pill caused the officials of that same small town to call for a state of emergency. During that time I lived nearby and I can tell you from personal experience that when I rode through that town; I did so with my windows rolled up.

Positive parenting is not perfect parenting.  All that is required is that I perform my parental tasks to the best of my ability.  There is no need to look for a magic pill. There is no crime in making mistakes and the world will not end because one thing was done wrong.  In my case, with as many mistakes as I have made, the world should have ended many times.

It was not until I had kids of my own that I realized the great pressure my parents were under. There were three of us. We were born with different personalities and different needs.

Despite those differences, they never treated better than the other. They seemed to make all the right decisions. Did they make mistakes? Of course they did. Like the time I couldn’t bring home that baby zebra I saw at the zoo or that time, when as a teenager, my dad threw away my Last Poets album because he felt the vulgar language they used was too offensive for my younger siblings or the time when……..you get the point.

During all those times they were not being perfect. They were being positive.  There was no way we could co-exist with a wild animal on the 8^th floor of the Albany projects. There was also no way for us to co-exist with vulgar language in apartment 8C.  Those decisions were the right ones to make.

The one thing I learned from them is that making mistakes is part of life. I also learned that mistakes can be great learning experiences.

In baseball each pitcher yearns to pitch that perfect game. This is where he does not give up any hits, walks no one and has kept the opposing team from scoring any runs.  Although this feat has happened twice so far this season (2012), this accomplishment is a very rare occurrence. In most games, as it is with life, the pitcher is constantly making adjustments. Sometimes he/she gives up the home run.  You can bet that at the next meeting, that batter will be approached differently.

We have to teach our kids how to approach the errors of their lives. One mistake or a series of mistakes does not mean that the game is over. It only means that the way the mistake is looked at needs to be changed.

Being perfect should not be the goal for any parent. It is important for our kids to see us make mistakes. As they watch us and they watch us more closely that they listen to us, they will learn that positive thinking will help them overcome most negative circumstances.

The moral that I choose to live by is that I will remain cute but not perfect.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

As we walk down the street it is not hard to see many people talking on their cell phones. This form of communication has become America’s past time. Sometimes we get too involved with talking on the phone. I personally have had many experiences when I was close to colliding with people while we were in the act of talking on our phones.  In some cases, the use of our phones has become more important than our safety.

With all the electronics that we are exposed to there is nothing more personal than that one on one conversation I can have with another person. We have all had this experience. It is a wonderful feeling to talk to someone face to face. I can immediately get a response to what I have said. By the persons’ facial expressions, I can tell if they’re angry or if they’re sad at what I said. If they start laughing uncontrollably, then I know right then that the story I told was as funny to them as it was to me.

Sometimes personal contact can be experienced by saying almost nothing. I do this with a close friend every day. We both work at the same place and when we first see each other for the day, we stop what we are doing, excuse ourselves if we are talking to someone else and give each other a hug. We express our love for one another and we move on. This short encounter does not involve politics, religion or sexuality. It is one person showing their concern for another person. It is just that simple.

There are times when this one on one doesn’t go exactly as we would like it. This can happen right after I have spent some time pouring my heart out to someone (this is not the same person I just talked about) about a topic that is very important to me. I have said all that I can say.  Everything is on the table and I look to that person for their reaction. I need their input.  After all this is a very important topic.

To my disappointment all I got back was a blank stare followed by a “huh, what did you say?”

There is nothing that can make you feel more alone than to have the experience when no one is listening to you.  I know myself the feeling of frustration when that person, whom I have given my all important issue to, doesn’t have a clue about what I have just said.

This feeling of frustration can turn easily into a feeling of self-doubt. I could begin asking a question such as is this the right person I should have told this to?  My mind could begin to wander that if this person is not the right one for this information what they are going to do with all this stuff.  Will I become the subject of the local gossip?  Will everyone stare at me as I walk down the street? I could see it now.

I’m on my way home from work. My neighbors are outside talking to one another. As I walk up to greet them, they stop talking. One person has a scowl on his face. The lady next to him has a smirk on her face. The third person is looking at me shaking his head from left to right as if he is thinking that he can’t believe what is going on with me. As I went into my apartment building, I slowly turned around and sure enough all three were still staring at me with those same expressions.

I know that this dramatization shows just how far the imagination can go when faced with the possibility that no one is listening. The process is almost childish.

I wonder if my kids go through this same thinking when I give them that blank stare. You know what I’m talking about. That stare we all get when we are thinking about the bills, work or the other issues that we have to deal with.

As a positive parent who is also an adult, I know that the blank stare I received after I poured my heart out, doesn’t mean that the person is not concerned. It could simply mean that they could be going through their own issues.

Since a kid’s world is very limited in their experiences, they will most likely not have the ability to understand all the pressures that adults go through. I could make an attempt to reconnect at another time with the person I was explaining my situation to. My kids may see it as all or nothing. If they can’t get the answer they need right now, they may decide to act out. This could be very dangerous because they will surely be acting without having all the information.

I try to explain to my kids that despite whatever is happening, the world is not going to end today. At least I hope not.

There is not one day that goes by when we don’t hear someone talking into their cell phone repeating the phrase “can you hear me, can you hear me?” When we hear that conversation has continued we are relieved. No one wants their phone call to end. The communication process is a two way street.  We all have to understand that the blank stare that goes along with a “huh?” can be equally frustrating for everyone but it doesn’t mean that no one cares.

Thank You Jimmy!!!

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

The thing that made this show unique was that it tried to be as authentic as possible. Police terms such as “All points’ bulletin” and “Modus operandi” were first used by this show.  What also set it apart was the type of subjects it used as story lines. It was one of the first to deal with topics such as the hippie movement, the drug culture and juvenile delinquency.

This was a serious show that highlighted the theme that “Crime doesn’t pay”. In each episode the main characters Joe Friday and Bill Gannon used good, old fashioned police work to solve crimes.

The term “just the facts ma’am” is one that we all associated with this show. As young person who watched regularly, I seem to remember this phrase being used in every episode. The truth is that this phrase was never used during for the 4 seasons it was on television.

This show used real cases from the files of the Los Angeles police department. The phrase “only the names have been changed to protect the innocent” was said before each episode.  Dragnet was the model used for all subsequent police shows.

Although “just the facts ma’am” was never said, it did show how the collection of facts was the only way to solve crimes. Even in today’s shows we learn that the collection of such things as statements, finger prints, hair fibers and other forensic items are important in any crime scene investigation.

As positive parents we have to use some of this same methodology to make sure that our kids have all the facts about their life choices. I think that with all the technology that is available making the right choices, today, can be very difficult.

When I was a young man there was no such thing as Facebook or Twitter. The internet was still a twinkling in someone’s eye.  All of the information about life came from my parents. They told me about those important subjects such as crossing the street only at the corners with the light and the dangers of drug use, sex and what happens to those who choose a life of crime. At times it seemed that my parents would not let me breathe. Every decision I made or was going to make was scrutinized by them. I didn’t like it then but, as I look back, I’m glad I was not allowed to act freely. Then as now there were a lot of negative influences, any one of which could have sent me down a road of destruction.

I use these same techniques with my own kids. I smile when they tell me their feelings about being “oppressed”.  Since I am determined not to be their “friend”, I continue to help them to work through those feelings. Feelings are not necessarily fact. The facts about teen pregnancy, drug abuse, bullying and the misuses of social media are real.

Even though teenage pregnancies are declining, there are about 820,000 teens that get pregnant each year. The facts are that 80% of those teenage pregnancies are unintended. It is also a fact that 80% of teen mothers end up on welfare. I have 3 boys.  It is important they know these facts and are aware of what damage a few moments of alleged fun could produce.

There is a report from 2003 that has some alarming numbers about teenage drug use. It says that 30% of 8^th graders, 45% of 10^th graders and 53% of 12^th graders use drugs.  It goes on to report that of the 50% who drink, 32% say they were drunk at least once. As a person who had a history with substance abuse, I talk about this issue constantly with my kids.

It is a fact that 95% of all teenagers are on line. The technology of the smart phone makes it very easy for anyone to access the web. With such sites as Facebook, MySpace and Twitter, kids have a wide forum to discuss their views and stay in touch with each other.  My positive parenting experience includes giving my kids the facts about proper on line behavior. This includes being careful about what is posted at these sites. They must understand that once it’s out there, it’s out there for the world to see.

20% of all teen users are victims of bullying. There has also been a rise in the number of social predators.  I encourage my kids to be aware when these things happen and to tell me or another adult if they feel they have become victimized.

“Just the facts ma’am” is a phrase that has been associated with one of the most popular shows on television.  Over time we have come to realize that these facts are important tools in helping our kids to become useful members of society.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

As a positive parent I can think of no greater fear than that of losing one of my kids. Every day the news reports inform us about the deaths of many young people. I experienced that fear on November 25, 2006 when a young man was shot and killed on the day he was to be married by NYC policemen.  My oldest son was also getting married that same day. You cannot imagine the panic that filled my heart when I first heard this story. I frantically tried to call him but his cell phone just rang and rang, eventually going to his voice mail. I also tried calling his mom, to see if she had heard from him. While I was on the phone talking with her, he called. There was panic in is voice as well since it was late at night. He thought I was trying to get in contact with him because something had happened to me or his grandparents. I told him about the shooting of a young man at a bachelor party and I was fearful that it was him. He reassured me that he was alright and that he was in a different part of the city (his friends were also giving him a bachelor party).

Although my heart goes out to the Sean Bell family, I was greatly relieved that my son was alright.

In both of these cases the lack of respect for another person seems to have been the fuel that had caused these tragedies. As a Black American, I feel that this country has come a long way in the way it handles race relations. When these things happen, however, it reminds me that we still have a long way to go.

As a young man, I remember my dad telling me stories about what it was like to grow up in Louisiana in the 1930’s and 1940’s. Some of those stories would make my hair stand on end. In one of those, he told me that he and his friends were on a bus when a policeman boarded, yelled at one of the young men, then shot and killed him. That experience left a lasting imprint on his mind. It has left me with a feeling of gratitude in that the policeman could have decided that all of them needed to die. In those days there would have been no investigation into the shooting. The general feeling by the authorities would be that those were “NIGGERS” and they had no rights.

Yet, despite these experiences, my dad never taught me to hate “white people”.  He balanced his stories by telling about the good experiences as well as those bad ones. He has always made it a point to emphasize that there were many who do have compassion in their hearts.

Today with the emergence of CNN, smart phones and security cameras, it would make  it very difficult to hide the negative deeds of some.

In my role as a positive parent, I have tried my best to give my kids what my dad has given me.  He has taught me that negative behavior is not limited to any person or group of people.  In my opinion one shows a lack of respect, when he/she behaves badly. What it says is that “I will do what I want to do because I don’t care about you”.

Caring about one another has to be the driving force for all of us. When we care about those around us our only thoughts are about how we can motivate and help that person get to that next level.  When we care, we never think that hurting those around us is OK. In fact when we do acts of kindness not only do we show how much we care about others but we also show how much we care about ourselves.

“Everyone is some ones’ loved one” is something my dad says a few times a week. By keeping this saying in the forefront of our minds, perhaps it could keep us from performing any unkind act.  Better yet maybe it could help us to think positively about that person.

The reasons for the deaths of these two young Black Americans goes far beyond what those involved felt about their race. What it shows me is that they have little concern for anyone, not even themselves and even if these perpetrators had positive parents, they missed the lesson titled “Respect is Caring”.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

As a kid I hated it when my parents would make me go to bed at 8 o’clock. I remember many nights dreaming what it would be like to stay up to watch The Johnny Carson Show. I knew that if I could get to stay up until 11:30, I would have arrived.

This country was in a lot of turmoil. I am sure that some would have loved to bypass the two decades that began in 1960 and ended in 1979. Those were very difficult times.

I was in elementary school when the 35^th president was assassinated.  John F. Kennedy was killed on November 22, 1963. This was the time when we were in a cold war with the Russians. In fact we all thought that they had killed the president.  Some of you may not know what a cold war is.

Imagine being in your backyard and you are looking through a fence into your neighbor’s yard.  There is someone in that yard also looking through the fence. The both of you spend years and years starring at each other waiting to see who will blink first. Neither of you wants to have a physical fight. You both get all your friends to stand with you and before you know it the neighborhood is split in two, with each group not trusting the other. All you do is staring at one another.  This is what the cold war is.

The civil rights movement was in full bloom when I entered Grover Cleveland High School. That was in 1966. A year before another leader was killed. Malcolm X died on February 21, 1965.  The cold war was not to blame here. It seemed to be a simple case of in fighting amongst the members of a popular religious group.

While I was a sophomore there was another more leader who lost his life.  Martin Luther King was killed on April 21, 1968. His death created a lot of hatred in the Black community. The feeling was that there was no hope since “the man” killed this man of peace. There were riots in every major city in the country. The news channels were filled with images of burning buildings. The sad thing about all this anger is that it stayed within those Black communities. Some of those areas are still recovering from what happened at that time.

There was one more event that was going on during that time that created a dark cloud that hovered over this country. That was the Viet Nam war. This was not a cold war. It was a blood and guts war. Many lives were changed as a result of what went on there.

I graduated from Grover Cleveland in 1970.  As I look back, I have a lot of gratitude that I survived those rough times.

My number 2 son is graduating from high school this year and I can’t help but to compare what is going on now to what went on those 42 years ago.

Some things are similar. Then we had one war. Now we are participating in two. Then we had the draft.  Every one of us had to get a draft card and although there is no system now set up to force young people to participate, there are still many as there was then who have made the ultimate sacrifice.

With the election of the first Black president in 2008, it seemed that the country had “overcome” the race issue. Maybe??

Technology has made life in 2012 a lot different than it was in1970. Then countries around the world were so far away. Now, these places are as close as your TV or computer monitor. The internet has made the world a much smaller place.

It also has increased the number of people my son has to compete with for jobs.  In my day (and this is unique to NYC) there were many tests one could take to get employment.  We had many choices. You could take the tests for jobs in sanitation, the post office and the transit authority, just to name a few.  Now it is very difficult because those jobs are not as plentiful as they once were. In other parts of the country we see what the closing of the many factories has done to those communities.

This is why graduating from high school is very important for my son. It is no longer just a rite of passage.  The high school diploma has become a very important and necessary document. In my day, you could get by without one. Now it can be seen as a ticket that can open doors to the future.

As positive parents we all want our kids to have productive lives. I think it’s a good idea to share our random thoughts about our past experiences with them. In this way they can see that we have more in common than they think.  They can see that our past is really their future.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

I even tried to see if I could take my mind to a super natural level through the use of drugs and alcohol. This practice didn’t work because the use of these things only sent my mind into the area of darkness and confusion.

I got the first hint of what my role was to be was after my first son was born. I remember that day in June like it was yesterday. My wife had been in labor for over 20 hours. By the time he was born we were both exhausted, although she was doing all of the hard work.  What made it very frustrating was watching how quickly all the other mothers and fathers were giving birth.

It was around the 28^th hour that I stepped away to go outside to smoke a cigarette. I just needed to get my mind clear. When I returned I was greeted by one of the nurses who told me that my wife had given birth and that it was a boy.  They let me hold him but I could that only for a short time. I gave him back to the nurse because I was so nervous I thought I would drop him. My wife and I felt we were very blessed with the fact that we had a healthy child and we checked. We were very relieved to see that this baby boy had ten fingers and ten toes.

I went back to our apartment to get some things that she would need for her hospital stay. They let her stay there in the hospital for almost a week. (This was much different with the birth of our second son. Times had changed in ten years. It seemed that the hospital did the ten fingers and ten toes thing. They made sure both mother and son were OK and then they kicked them out.)

I could not wait to tell my buddies the good news. I stopped along the way to buy a bottle of something .That was how my mind worked at that time. I was looking for a super natural feeling. We had our celebratory drinks and I went home to get ready for his arrival.  Since I was home alone for a week, I had a lot time to do my own celebration.

Just before we were to bring our bundle of joy home, someone from the electric company had turned off our lights off. My first thought was how I am going to bring this newborn home to a dark apartment. My second thought was to question how this could have happened. I faintly remember my wife telling me, no ordering me to pay that bill.  I could have easily done the honorable thing and blamed “the white man” for causing all my problems but, it became clear who the culprit was. It was the guy who was picking up those bottles on the floor. Maybe he should have spent that money on something other than celebrating.

I don’t remember how it got done but the lights were turned back on and we began this process of raising this little boy. It would also be another 8 years before I would end my devotion to celebrating.

That event made it very clear that I was moving into a new role as a parent.  It was also clear that I was not taking my role very seriously. Since then, I have worked hard to be the best parent I could be.

It wasn’t until just shortly before I began this blog that I began to really understand just how important this role would be in my life. The one person who I swore that I would never be like is the reason why I can perform in this role so comfortably. My dad has showed me a lot.  He has done what his dad had done. I in turn I am doing what my dad did.

That little boy will be 29 years old this year and guess what. He is doing with his two kids (a girl and a boy) what his dad has done.

It is important to view this role as a parent as one of the most important roles that exists in our society today.

I admit that I have made many mistakes along the way. What I try to do is to constantly be aware that being a positive parent is a role that will last me for the rest of my life.

A new role has recently opened up for me. This new position has me looking after my dad and I’m honored to have this role.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

I coincided his time off, by taking some time off myself in the form of a vacation.  I am very fortunate to have a job where I can take time off when I need it. It also doesn’t hurt to have some seniority.

I feel that spending time with my kids is one of the most important things that I can do as a positive parent. I try to use these times to teach them what I think they need to know.  Those things include teaching them how to get along with others, teach them how to reason out their issues and show them that the only way to get ahead in life is through hard work.

It has always been clear to me that my kids watch me a lot closer that they listen to me. I always try to be aware of what I am doing. These experiences are important for me because not only am I the teacher, it also gives me the chance to critique myself. I feel that all positive parents should periodically do an inventory of themselves because since we have their young lives in our hands, it is important to make sure that we are on the same road that we want our kids to be on.

I picked him Friday the 17^th at his mom’s job. It just so happens that we both work for the same company which makes it easy not only for me to get him but also for me to see him during the week.

I live about an hour away from work, which means that we will have to ride the subway. Those of us who live in this great city know that it requires a master’s degree in urban living to negotiate the NYC subway system.  I feel that in order for anyone to be a real New Yorker, they have to be comfortable and confident while using the subway system. This our second or third time together underground and as usual he was asking some very interesting questions about this whole experience. For example, he asked why we can’t stay on one train to get where we are going. He couldn’t understand why and that’s where it will be interesting to show him, over time, how to travel underground.

When traveling by myself I almost always let the first train leave because there is almost always an empty train that arrives a few minutes later. Sometimes my plan to get a seat does not work and this was the case on this day. We let a few crowded trains pass and it became clear that the empty train I was looking for was not going to make an appearance. I decided we would get on the next train and it was very crowded. We both had to stand for almost the whole trip. Since he was not used to this experience, it became a challenge to keep him focused. Throughout the trip I had to constantly remind him to hold on to the hand rail and not to fall asleep while standing up .Falling asleep on the subway is not unique to this 7 year old boy. Those of us who are skilled New York subway riders know about the pixie dust that fills the subway car that makes it all but impossible to stay awake. I can tell you about the many times I woke up just in the nick of time because a moment longer I would have missed my stop or I could wind up at the end of the line, in the yard where all the trains are stored.

We made it back to my place in one piece and had a nice week together. We spent some of the time playing a couple of board games I had purchased just for this occasion. We spent the remainder of our time together with him helping me with the other duties that I do during any given week.  This includes going to the grocery store and going to see my mom in the nursing home. He was a little uncomfortable going to visit her when she first got there but it is now a year later and he handles these visits like a trouper.

One of the highlights of the week was beating him in Trouble. I won 3 games. He won 4. Right now he is the world champion because I was robbed (LOL). The other highlight was while we were watching TV. He turned me on to the science channel. It’s channel 111 on Time Warner and I Iearned about a lot of different things. For example, I learned how military ships were built and how toilets were made. While we were waiting for a commercial to end, he would fill me in on what he learned about space and about animals. I was really impressed with what he knew and now I’m hooked on that channel.

It’s important to note that the learning process should go two ways. The positive parent needs to stay as open to new things as the want their kids to be.

I took him back to his mom on Friday (24^th) and although he was a little sad that this visit had to end, I assured him that there would be many more in the future.

We arrived at his apartment building and he rang his bell. When the buzzer for the door sounded, he pushed the door open and went towards his apartment. He looked at me one last time and we both gave each other the thumbs up.

There was nothing more to be said. This was a great week.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

How we talk to one another can affect us for the whole day. I can personally remember many times when my day went into the toilet based on what someone said to me.  It made no difference how many positive things were going on in my life. It seemed that the only thing I could remember is what that person said to me. That whole day was filled with self doubt and this made me feel very insecure. These feelings magnified themselves if that person said something to me according to what they heard from someone else.  All I could think about is that everyone must think of me that way.

For this reason, I really work hard to not participate in the rumor mill. On those times when rumors do come my way, I work equally as hard not to pass on what was said. The only way I may repeat something about someone is when the information is so juicy, I can’t let it go. Take for example the story about…… (Gotcha).

I don’t want anyone to feel the way I feel when those things happen to me. I don’t want to participate in any of that negative behavior.

In this age of Twitter and Face book we see many examples of someone saying something about someone else and putting it online. They may have posted these things out of anger or they may have just wanted to play a practical joke. In either case, once it’s out there in cyber space, it’s out there. Even if one is able to delete what was said, it may be out there long enough to cause irreparable damage.

As one who practices positive parenting, I know that my kids are affected by what I say to them. I can’t imagine how a child would feel if his/her parents would constantly associate them with the words loser or failure. Kids watch their parents and use them as their instruction manual to what life is about. This means that if the parents curse a lot, the children will think it’s Ok for them to curse. If the parents attach to their children the labels of loser and failure, they may see that this behavior will travel to their grandchildren.

From the time our kids are born we have to make a conscience effort that what we do and say, does have an effect on their lives. We have to do our best to maintain a posture of positivity. We have to understand that this action will reach outside the family into their interactions with their peers.

When someone asks me how thing are going, I like to respond by saying that things are great. I use this answer to set the tone for how the conversation with this person will go. It’s not that I want to hide what’s going on with me and it’s not that I don’t want to hear about them.  In most cases we already know all the details about each other. I’m concerned with the problems but I would like to hear about solutions. How you solved a problem may help me in solving my own and I feel that talking positively to one another can put us both in the right direction.

By practicing this with my kids, I want them to focus on the solutions not the problems. All of us experience problems but we don’t have to be overwhelmed by them.

There are times when there is no immediate solution to what is going on in our lives. Here I like to practice what my sister calls “Keep it Moving”. I see the problem and since I can’t do anything about it right now, it’s important for me work on the other things in my life and in most cases these are positive.

By “Keeping it moving” I feel that by working on those things that I can succeed at, will help keep my mind clear so that I can be receptive to when the solutions show up. Sometimes the weight of our problems has us walking with our heads down, so I have to make a conscience effort to walk with my head held up so I can see what’s going on around me. I can’t see if the bridge is out if I only focus on the road that’s right in front of me.

Kids watch their parents very closely. The techniques we use in talking to each other, they will use. We have to be positive about our approach and it is our responsibility to show them that positive things come from positive language.

Despite their issues, we have to practice by giving our kids positive affirmations. How and what we say to them can make all the difference. We have to be the ones to tell them they are OK and always continue that by telling them “You can do it”.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

The item that should not be mixed that seems to get the most popularity is oil and water. Throughout my life, I can’t count the times this mixture is used as an analogy to describe any number of events. The truth is that oil will never mix with water. No matter what we do, this law of nature will never be undone. Some say that opposites are attracted to one another but these two are too close together to be viewed as opposites.

The best way to see just how destructive and deadly this mixture can be is to remember the oil spill that recently took place in the Gulf of Mexico. Whatever the oil touched, there was the potential for disaster. We have all seen many images of the cakes of oil that came on the beaches and those horrible scenes where the wildlife was covered in that grimy goo.

Here in the United States, there is a committed movement to clean up these messes as soon as they happen. In other areas such as some of the oil rich countries in Africa, oil spills happen on a regular basis. There, these things are seen as the normal way of doing business. Some of those countries are doomed to live with the destruction that the mixture of oil and water can produce.

There is another item that if not treated carefully could be just as destructive and deadly as any oil spill. That item is the relationship that exists between a parent and his/her child.

As positive parents, we are always looking for the thing or things that will make the relationship between us and our kids the perfect experience.  They have ranged from taking them to the park, helping with homework and even spending time with them at sporting and cultural events. We are all guilty of doing these things all in attempt to give our kids the best that life has to offer. The reality is there is no such thing as the perfect experience.

The bottom line is that we want our kids to be happy. We don’t want to see them in any kind of discomfort. In an attempt to meet this end, some of us have crossed the line that defines us as parents. Some have sacrificed being their kids’ parent and became their kids’ friend.

There is one area where I do my best not to cross the line that exists between us. That line defines me as the parent and them as the child. I feel very strongly that if I choose to be my kid’s friend, I cannot give them the guidance and knowledge they need to become useful citizens. The reason this happens is because as their friend I am seen as their equal. As an equal they can pick and choose what they will or will not listen to. As their friend they will never take what I say or do seriously. This is a mixture that could become more destructive than any oil spill.

Seeing images of wildlife covered in crude oil is just as bad as seeing a child who is behaving badly. The parent is nearby and will not say anything for fear that the child won’t like what is being said and not be their friend anymore.

All kids need some sort of standard to live by. They also at some time need to be disciplined. There is no way I can be an effective parent if I am my kid’s friend.

This does not mean that I have to be a tyrant. There are many times when my kids and I are laughing and having fun with one another. The bottom line is that all kids should have respect for their parents. I can be friendly without being their friend.

Being my kids’ friend is like mixing oil with water. Since nature does not allow this mixture to be successful, there is no way this type of relationship can bring about a positive family atmosphere.

As positive parents we need or kids to have respect for us. I feel that if parents have moved in the wrong direction by being their kids’ friend, it does not mean that all is lost. I feel that anyone can start over and begin to practice being a positive parent.

After all, what kind of parents we are will determine what kind of parents they will become.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!