20130810 162432 e1382316596230 225x300 POSITIVE PARENTING   TELLING THE TRUTHI’m sure that everyone can remember that one person that we idolized.  That person meant everything to us. They could have been a lover, a mentor or a parent. We literally worshiped the ground they walked on. We hung on every word they said. Nothing they did or said, in our eyes, were wrong.  We put our complete trust in that person.

Sometimes this feeling may be for a group or an organization. In both cases we would bet our entire bank account because we are that sure that whatever they were doing or saying was the right thing. In our eyes they never in the past or the future told a lie. That person or organization deserved our faith and trust.

Then the unimaginable happened.  We watched in horror as that person or organization got caught in a lie.

It seemed like our whole world had crashed in around us. It is very devastating to learn that the person or group you had put your trust in was not what you thought they were.

When this happens, it could bring about a whole group of feelings. Those feelings could range from anger to self-doubt to loneliness.

There is nothing worse than finding out that person or group said or did something that made them out to be a liar.

As a positive parent I am constantly working to make sure that I give my kids the best I have to offer. When they were small I felt it was important to make sure that I was as truthful as possible.  That is why I felt it was necessary to tell them the truth about Santa.  I felt they needed to know who was buying all the gifts they received. I did not want them to give any credit to any imaginary being.  I wanted them to know that it was their mother and I who loved them so much that we spent money to get them the things they wanted on the most important gift giving day of the year.

As a Christian I really wanted them to know and understand that the real reason for Christmas was the birth of Jesus Christ. The real gift giver is God.

The other thing that bothered me was what would my kids think about their mother and I when they eventually found out that Santa was not real.  I never wanted them to question what I said to them. Although all kids at some time in their lives think they know it all, it’s important that they have confidence in what you are telling them.

I remember one time when I helping my Dad by cleaning his car. I was in the trunk moving things around when I found a pint of alcohol. The find shocked me because he was always one who boasted about how he didn’t drink or smoke. The thought of what was in the trunk stayed on my mind for many years. During that time I felt that he lied to me.

It wasn’t until I got older that I started to understand the reality of my find. I never told him what I found in the trunk of his car so he never had the chance to give me his version of why that bottle was there.

As I looked over my experience with him, I never saw him drunk and I never any alcohol on his person.

Perhaps the bottle didn’t belong to him and even if it did he was an adult who had the right to make his own decisions. I was just a kid (17 or18 at the time) who was given the privilege of driving his brand new car.

In any event it taught me a valuable lesson that I now pass on to my kids. Not only is it important to be truthful, it is also important to analyze how I gather facts that could determine whether or not a person is telling the truth.

I tell my kids to make sure they have all the facts before they come to any conclusions. They have to figure out whether or not that person they have complete faith in is giving them the whole story or are they telling that part of the story that makes them look good. I have a rule of thumb that states whenever someone is talking about another person or something, I subtract 10% from their story. I do that because some are telling you that story because they need and want your sympathy. They will go to any length to get you on their side. It is my experience that they always leave out their contribution to the “madness”.

I began this post by talking about the disappointment that comes when one we idolize is caught in a lie.  

Maybe they are lying to you because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. They know you and are well aware that telling you the truth could devastate you.

They could also be lying to you because they could not find any other way to tell you nicely that what you found out about had nothing to do with you. It was none of your business. They drew out long and deliberate story so that you could reflect about how special your relationship is.

All in all telling the truth is the right thing to do.  I do it because I want to set the right example for my kids.

The bottom lie for me is that despite what goes on we continue to keep our relationship strong.

I’m the guy whose glass is always ½ full.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

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