New York City 011 300x225 POSITIVE PARENTING   ANXIETY.


I recently experienced a situation that reminded me what it felt like to be powerless.  This situation was not created by me and could not be reversed.

A first I got very angry at who I felt was the cause of my powerlessness. I then went into a fit of anxiety. I began worrying about what I would do. How would I be able to resolve this situation?

My first thought was to call the person who started all this mess to give them a real piece of my mind. I would tell them about all the pain they have caused and also tell them that are other people who are being affected by these actions.

I had it all planned and wrote down a detailed list of what I would say. The only problem is that even though I could really let this person have it, it would not help me to get this situation resolved. What was done required an action by me. That would be the only way to deal with my powerlessness and in turn to lessen my anxiety.

This is not the first time I was placed in this situation.  At that time it took 2 weeks to get everything cleared up. When that ended I thought I would never see that again.

When I took an honest inventory of myself, I discovered I did not do all that I could do to prevent this thing from happening again. Actually, if I really dig deep, I should have been more realistic and seen those warning signs that I now see very clearly.

I’ve helped my kids get through similar situations and I guess it has become time for me to practice what I have told them.

I told them that when these anxious situations come up, there are steps that could be taken to get a better look at what’s going on. I believe that unless you are calmed down there will be no way you can get a clear picture of what you are looking at.  I showed them that they need to find a quiet place. They then need to sit down and take to a deep breath to help clear the mind.

In another post I talked about developing the ability to see if the problem is your problem. In some cases we can claim something that does not belong to us.

This situation certainly belongs to me, that part is clear.

The next thing I told them is to see how serious their situation is. Is it that type of situation where you should begin looking for your passport and call the airlines to see what international flight is available? Do you need to get plastic surgery so you can’t be identified? What cool name could you use as you travel from one foreign land to another?  (I guess you could tell that I watch a lot of television)

Or is there a way they could resolve their situation?

I told them that they should make a list of what needed to be done. That list only needs two items. It should include having a responsible person to share with and a contact list of everyone who is involved.

Having a responsible person to share your problem with is the most important item on the list. This person should be mature and have the ability to objectively look at your situation. Depending on what is going, you don’t need someone who will give you bad advice.  You need someone who is not afraid to tell you when you’re not thinking clearly. This person could also be the one who will physically do the work that will help bring your situation to an end. They could be the one to arrange financing or the one who will take important documents from one place to another. That person could simply provide the transportation to get you where you need to go.  The bottom line is that this should be someone you can trust and one who understands the meaning of confidentiality. I have told my kids that this person should be me.

Contacting everyone who is involved can be tricky. Sometimes it is not a good idea to contact everyone. We have to keep in mind the possibility that, depending how involved they are, informing them could do more damage than good.

In my case contacting the person who initiated my anxiety would be an exercise in futility. This is because the action they put in place could not be reversed.  It was as if they held a bird in their hands and once the decision was made let it go, there was no way to get it back.

It was up to me to get the bird to change course and to get it to return to the coop. This can be a methodical process that most likely will require a lot of patience. I was able to get the birds’ attention but it will take some time before it will be able to process what I have told it.

What I have told my kids is that while they are waiting for everything to clear up, anxiety levels can reach their highest. This is when that special person can be the most effective. They will be able to keep you calmed down and more importantly, keep you from acting out unnecessarily.

I am dictating this post into a recorder, I’m in Central Park and right now I am feeling very anxious. It’s been a week and my situation is not yet resolved.

I will do what I told my kids to do.

I will sit down on that bench over there.

I’m sitting. Now I will close my eyes. Before I do that I have to tell you that is one beautiful woman.

O. K. O.K. O.K.  Here we go. Here we go.  I’ve closed my eyes. I’m taking a deep breath.



Stop by the store.

Say a prayer for all those who lost someone on that terrible day.






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