New York City 473 300x199 POSITIVE PARENTING   CUTE BUT NOT PERFECT.

 

As a positive parent I have been always interested in what could I do that would make me a perfect. I can imagine just how life could be if I were that perfect parent who raised those perfect kids. I could see myself as that person who makes all the right decisions about everything. My kids, in turn also would make the right decisions. After all they had the perfect me to use as an example.

The reality is there is no such being as a perfect parent. Unlike when you buy a new computer or home appliance, there is no instruction manual to show the best way to raise a kid. No one at any of the hospitals that my kids were born in gave us the quick start instructions that must be read first before we start raising these kids.

It’s hard to believe that in this society where being number one has so much importance, that there is no manual available that could show me how to be perfect and to raise perfect kids.

A few years ago I did hear of a pill that If taken could produce perfect thinking.  I think it was being tested somewhere in the Midwest and although it worked just like it was designed, it had to be taken off the market. One of the side effects of taking this pill is that it caused one’s head to grow to an enormous size.  It created such a problem in one small town, that there was no room walk on the sidewalks because of these big heads. People were bumping into each other causing concussions and when they were not doing damage to one another, they were creating massive damage to personal property. The other side effect is that it caused those who took it to have stomach problems. The gasses that were produced as a result of this pill caused the officials of that same small town to call for a state of emergency. During that time I lived nearby and I can tell you from personal experience that when I rode through that town; I did so with my windows rolled up.

Positive parenting is not perfect parenting.  All that is required is that I perform my parental tasks to the best of my ability.  There is no need to look for a magic pill. There is no crime in making mistakes and the world will not end because one thing was done wrong.  In my case, with as many mistakes as I have made, the world should have ended many times.

It was not until I had kids of my own that I realized the great pressure my parents were under. There were three of us. We were born with different personalities and different needs.

Despite those differences, they never treated better than the other. They seemed to make all the right decisions. Did they make mistakes? Of course they did. Like the time I couldn’t bring home that baby zebra I saw at the zoo or that time, when as a teenager, my dad threw away my Last Poets album because he felt the vulgar language they used was too offensive for my younger siblings or the time when……..you get the point.

During all those times they were not being perfect. They were being positive.  There was no way we could co-exist with a wild animal on the 8th floor of the Albany projects. There was also no way for us to co-exist with vulgar language in apartment 8C.  Those decisions were the right ones to make.

The one thing I learned from them is that making mistakes is part of life. I also learned that mistakes can be great learning experiences.

In baseball each pitcher yearns to pitch that perfect game. This is where he does not give up any hits, walks no one and has kept the opposing team from scoring any runs.  Although this feat has happened twice so far this season (2012), this accomplishment is a very rare occurrence. In most games, as it is with life, the pitcher is constantly making adjustments. Sometimes he/she gives up the home run.  You can bet that at the next meeting, that batter will be approached differently.

We have to teach our kids how to approach the errors of their lives. One mistake or a series of mistakes does not mean that the game is over. It only means that the way the mistake is looked at needs to be changed.

Being perfect should not be the goal for any parent. It is important for our kids to see us make mistakes. As they watch us and they watch us more closely that they listen to us, they will learn that positive thinking will help them overcome most negative circumstances.

The moral that I choose to live by is that I will remain cute but not perfect.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

 

 

 

 

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