New York City 016 225x300 POSITIVE PARENTING   CAN YOU HEAR ME?

 

The ability to communicate is what sets us apart as a species. We use many tools to get our voices out there. Many of us participate in the political process. By casting our votes we give a voice to who represents us in places such as congress or city hall.

As we walk down the street it is not hard to see many people talking on their cell phones. This form of communication has become America’s past time. Sometimes we get too involved with talking on the phone. I personally have had many experiences when I was close to colliding with people while we were in the act of talking on our phones.  In some cases, the use of our phones has become more important than our safety.

With all the electronics that we are exposed to there is nothing more personal than that one on one conversation I can have with another person. We have all had this experience. It is a wonderful feeling to talk to someone face to face. I can immediately get a response to what I have said. By the persons’ facial expressions, I can tell if they’re angry or if they’re sad at what I said. If they start laughing uncontrollably, then I know right then that the story I told was as funny to them as it was to me.

Sometimes personal contact can be experienced by saying almost nothing. I do this with a close friend every day. We both work at the same place and when we first see each other for the day, we stop what we are doing, excuse ourselves if we are talking to someone else and give each other a hug. We express our love for one another and we move on. This short encounter does not involve politics, religion or sexuality. It is one person showing their concern for another person. It is just that simple.

There are times when this one on one doesn’t go exactly as we would like it. This can happen right after I have spent some time pouring my heart out to someone (this is not the same person I just talked about) about a topic that is very important to me. I have said all that I can say.  Everything is on the table and I look to that person for their reaction. I need their input.  After all this is a very important topic.

To my disappointment all I got back was a blank stare followed by a “huh, what did you say?”

There is nothing that can make you feel more alone than to have the experience when no one is listening to you.  I know myself the feeling of frustration when that person, whom I have given my all important issue to, doesn’t have a clue about what I have just said.

This feeling of frustration can turn easily into a feeling of self-doubt. I could begin asking a question such as is this the right person I should have told this to?  My mind could begin to wander that if this person is not the right one for this information what they are going to do with all this stuff.  Will I become the subject of the local gossip?  Will everyone stare at me as I walk down the street? I could see it now.

I’m on my way home from work. My neighbors are outside talking to one another. As I walk up to greet them, they stop talking. One person has a scowl on his face. The lady next to him has a smirk on her face. The third person is looking at me shaking his head from left to right as if he is thinking that he can’t believe what is going on with me. As I went into my apartment building, I slowly turned around and sure enough all three were still staring at me with those same expressions.

I know that this dramatization shows just how far the imagination can go when faced with the possibility that no one is listening. The process is almost childish.

I wonder if my kids go through this same thinking when I give them that blank stare. You know what I’m talking about. That stare we all get when we are thinking about the bills, work or the other issues that we have to deal with.

As a positive parent who is also an adult, I know that the blank stare I received after I poured my heart out, doesn’t mean that the person is not concerned. It could simply mean that they could be going through their own issues.

Since a kid’s world is very limited in their experiences, they will most likely not have the ability to understand all the pressures that adults go through. I could make an attempt to reconnect at another time with the person I was explaining my situation to. My kids may see it as all or nothing. If they can’t get the answer they need right now, they may decide to act out. This could be very dangerous because they will surely be acting without having all the information.

I try to explain to my kids that despite whatever is happening, the world is not going to end today. At least I hope not.

There is not one day that goes by when we don’t hear someone talking into their cell phone repeating the phrase “can you hear me, can you hear me?” When we hear that conversation has continued we are relieved. No one wants their phone call to end. The communication process is a two way street.  We all have to understand that the blank stare that goes along with a “huh?” can be equally frustrating for everyone but it doesn’t mean that no one cares.

Thank You Jimmy!!!

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

 

 

 

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