New York City 349 300x199 POSITIVE PARENTING   SPEAK POSITIVE.

 

Whitney Houston will be missed.

How we talk to one another can affect us for the whole day. I can personally remember many times when my day went into the toilet based on what someone said to me.  It made no difference how many positive things were going on in my life. It seemed that the only thing I could remember is what that person said to me. That whole day was filled with self doubt and this made me feel very insecure. These feelings magnified themselves if that person said something to me according to what they heard from someone else.  All I could think about is that everyone must think of me that way.

For this reason, I really work hard to not participate in the rumor mill. On those times when rumors do come my way, I work equally as hard not to pass on what was said. The only way I may repeat something about someone is when the information is so juicy, I can’t let it go. Take for example the story about…… (Gotcha).

I don’t want anyone to feel the way I feel when those things happen to me. I don’t want to participate in any of that negative behavior.

In this age of Twitter and Face book we see many examples of someone saying something about someone else and putting it online. They may have posted these things out of anger or they may have just wanted to play a practical joke. In either case, once it’s out there in cyber space, it’s out there. Even if one is able to delete what was said, it may be out there long enough to cause irreparable damage.

As one who practices positive parenting, I know that my kids are affected by what I say to them. I can’t imagine how a child would feel if his/her parents would constantly associate them with the words loser or failure. Kids watch their parents and use them as their instruction manual to what life is about. This means that if the parents curse a lot, the children will think it’s Ok for them to curse. If the parents attach to their children the labels of loser and failure, they may see that this behavior will travel to their grandchildren.

From the time our kids are born we have to make a conscience effort that what we do and say, does have an effect on their lives. We have to do our best to maintain a posture of positivity. We have to understand that this action will reach outside the family into their interactions with their peers.

When someone asks me how thing are going, I like to respond by saying that things are great. I use this answer to set the tone for how the conversation with this person will go. It’s not that I want to hide what’s going on with me and it’s not that I don’t want to hear about them.  In most cases we already know all the details about each other. I’m concerned with the problems but I would like to hear about solutions. How you solved a problem may help me in solving my own and I feel that talking positively to one another can put us both in the right direction.

By practicing this with my kids, I want them to focus on the solutions not the problems. All of us experience problems but we don’t have to be overwhelmed by them.

There are times when there is no immediate solution to what is going on in our lives. Here I like to practice what my sister calls “Keep it Moving”. I see the problem and since I can’t do anything about it right now, it’s important for me work on the other things in my life and in most cases these are positive.

By “Keeping it moving” I feel that by working on those things that I can succeed at, will help keep my mind clear so that I can be receptive to when the solutions show up. Sometimes the weight of our problems has us walking with our heads down, so I have to make a conscience effort to walk with my head held up so I can see what’s going on around me. I can’t see if the bridge is out if I only focus on the road that’s right in front of me.

Kids watch their parents very closely. The techniques we use in talking to each other, they will use. We have to be positive about our approach and it is our responsibility to show them that positive things come from positive language.

Despite their issues, we have to practice by giving our kids positive affirmations. How and what we say to them can make all the difference. We have to be the ones to tell them they are OK and always continue that by telling them “You can do it”.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

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