New York City 341 300x199 POSITIVE PARENTING   NOT PERFECTIONWhen I was growing up in Brooklyn, New York, the one thing I never saw my parents do was make mistakes. It seemed that all of their decisions were perfect and always correct. It was not until I grew up and had my own kids, that I realized being perfect was not a requirement for being a positive parent.

During those years I can remember our family running like a well oiled machine. Every part was operating at peak performance. There were no misfires in that group.  When I became older I found out things were far from perfect.  My dad told that me at different times while we were young he had two jobs that he would work one after the other. There was even a point of time when he couldn’t find any work at all. Despite it all, in our minds (my sister, brother and myself) there wasn’t a day that went by when we did not have all that we needed. We had plenty of food to eat, clothes to wear and a place to sleep. We were not under the pressure of today’s kids. We didn’t have to worry about the latest sneakers or having the top video games to play. Those things didn’t exist in those times and even if they did I doubt if my parents would have succumbed to that pressure. Looking at this with adult eyes, I can understand that they were very concerned with making sure that we had the things we needed.

In this present time, I see myself doing what they were doing, making sure that my group runs as efficiently as possible. Things today are a great deal more expensive than they were then. I can remember clearly going to the supermarket 10-15 years ago and spending $60 and have a shopping cart full of food. Now that same money may yield me only a couple of shopping bags.

Looking back at my childhood, I can really appreciate the pressures my parents were under.  The decisions that they made were not made with perfection in mind. They were made with the idea that the important thing was for that group to survive and move on to the next level, whatever that level was.

As I get older, I am beginning to understand that the mistakes I have made and will continue to make are all part of the growing process. One thing is for sure, positive parenting does not need to be perfect. It does require that I work as hard as I can to be the best person I can be.



  • I’d just like to say thanks for your blogs, I’ve only just discovered you while hunting for some advise on positive parenting – At the time my 4 year old daughter was having a mega unusual tantrum and I was at wits end – (as it turns out she was coming down with a big and out of sorts – phew!)
    In regards to what you were saying about the pressures of latest trainers and games etc – having other peoples kids round for play dates is making me increasingly aware that even from 4 years old these kids are into collecting stuff and easily influenced by what’s in fashion.
    Now for some strange reason my daughter seems oblivious to it, and shows no desire and seems unaffected by this.
    The only thing i can put it down to is that IF she watches any TV she only watches the kids channel that doesn’t have any advertising on it… not sure if you have such channels in the US but here in the UK one of our kids channel’s is run by the BBC.
    I suppose the time will change when she gets too old for cbeebies but until that time, I’m very grateful for the innocence!

  • Thanks for your comment. I remember when my kids were 4( three boys 10 years apart). Each one had their own challenging experiences. The one thing that was the same for all was that each one was developing his own personality complete with likes and dislikes. It was a fun time for me and I’m sure it be for you also. Stay positive!!

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