New York City 154 225x300 POSITIVE PARENTING  HAPPY MOTHERS DAY 2011Happy Mother’s Day!!

I usually end some of my posts with the direction to stop what you are doing and tell a loved one, in this case your mom, how much you love her. Right now is the best time because you do not know if there will be another. In my opinion there could never be anything worse than not letting your mom hear you say “I love you”. It doesn’t matter if that person is not your biological mother. If she is the person who had some hand in raising you, you are obligated to let her hear those words.

I’ve told you in previous posts that my mom is now in a nursing home suffering from dementia. There are many times when I go to visit her that she doesn’t know who I am. When this disease first began to take hold of her, it was very painful to see how she struggled to remember my name. As time has moved on, I have learned to accept that this is the nature of this disease. Sometimes I believe she gets a moment of clarity. Those are the times when she calls my name without me having to prompt her. There are also those times when something funny is said and she gives us that “Lovie” chuckle. (Her name is Lovie) Once I asked her if she knew who I was and she said, after a long pause, that I was her favorite brother’s wife. She had that mischievous smile on her face. I wondered if while she was in a state of clarity, she was teasing me.

My visits with her now consist of us just sitting together. I miss those visits to the various museums and art galleries she would take the three of us (my sister, my brother and I) to.  I miss those long talks on the telephone. I even miss her “you shouldn’t have done that” lectures. Those lectures were so overpowering, that after a few days not only did you confess to what you did, she had you convinced that her way was the right way.  By the way, her way was always the right way.

I don’t know if she knew she was going to be in this position in the future but, she began a practice of saying “I love you” at the end of every conversation or if we were parting ways. She did that to each member of the family and what it taught us was that our love for each was much more important than any other thing. It also taught us that we needed to hear each other say those words. In this way there was no question about whether we knew how each other felt. We knew it because we said it.

I will end this post just as I began it. To persuade you to stop what you are doing and tell your mom and all your family members how much you love them.

Happy Mother’s Day!!



  • Wendell,

    Reading your blog about your mom made me reflect back to my remembrance of her. I remember the very direct eye contact she would give you, when talking to you, that made me feel that she was listening and caring about your every word.

  • Thanks Carl. As we are all getting older every one of these memories of our moms( yours and mine) becomes more and more important. It has become my most prized possession. Great comment. 🙂

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