New York City 023 300x225 DIVORCEWhen I separated from my ex wife, I was fearful about what the future had for me.  This was someone I had been with for over 20 years. Although I feel it was the best for both of us to go our separate ways, I was moving into an unknown area.  The other question mark was what will happen to my kids.  At the time I only had the two boys. They were 20 and 10 years old.  I did not know how they would feel about me and I didn’t know how I could repair whatever damage the separation was going to create.

It was a couple of years before the divorce was final.  I did the best I could to use this time to heal their hurt feelings.  I, on many occasions, told them that our separation and divorce had nothing to do with them.  I have heard of many stories where the kids blame themselves for the relationship failure.

The ten year old seem to adjust easier than the older one.  The older one had seen me go through many changes in my life.  Despite it all, he still seemed to have a hidden anger with me.  It was not until he came to live with me and my new wife that our relationship began to change for the better.  He didn’t stay with us very long, but we both used that time to really get a better understanding of what we were both about.

Today I am proud to say that I have a great relationship with both of these kids. I don’t think they understand what went on with their mother and I and they don’t need to.  I believe what made things successful is that I never talked bad about their mother. I feel that is an important issue.  Whether they are together or not, positive parents should never use their kids as emotional ping pong balls. I feel it   was and is important to build up the relationship between myself and my kids.  Trying to destroy my ex wife by talking negatively about her in front of my kids would only put a wedge in between all of us.

Divorce is a difficult thing for the whole family.  I feel that as positive parents it becomes our responsibility to put our personal feelings aside and put the feelings of our kids upfront.

This is my opinion. I’d love to read what you think.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

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