I Love Being A Dad

As a positive parent, I feel that my most important job is to be a beacon of light for my kids.  I think that I am the one who has to show them that life is worth living. I should be the one who keeps the flames of hope stoked in their young minds.  I believe that having hope is the stepping stone for creativity and no one can be creative when they see the world through doom and gloom eyes. I feel that despite what is going on around us, we can live our lives to the fullest.

I have tried to live as positively as possible. I did not always look at life this way.  It is something that I have cultivated over the past few years and it began right after I began living sober. Someone from one of the many support groups I attended during that time would always point out to me that I should always walk with my head held high. That person continued to tell me that I had to separate myself from those acts I did in my drinking life to the way I was living now. He lastly explained to me that if I continued to walk with my head held down there could be a good chance I would walk into a wall or put myself in some other type of danger.

There were two other events that helped solidify this way of thinking. My mom worked as a receptionist for a major book company and she would bring home a lot of books for us to read. One of the books she came in contact with is called Think and Grow Rich: A Black Choice by Dennis Kimbro.  She was even able to get the author to autograph that copy. But to tell you the truth that book stayed in my bookshelf, collecting dust for a few years after she gave it to me.

When I finally began to read it, I found that the ideas it shared was just what I needed. The book talks about how we need to develop a different way of looking at things. It described that negative events do not necessarily mean that the world is coming to an end. For example, because I woke up late to go to work doesn’t mean that I am going to have a bad day. This leads to the next positive event in my life.

At the insistence of a coworker, I began attending an all men’s meeting at a church in Mt Vernon, New York. We attended that meeting for over a year and the underlying theme throughout is that God is good. The pastor gave us various things in the bible to corroborate this theme. She also went on to teach us that not only that is God good, but he is good all the time. So, I should not look at over sleeping as something negative. Perhaps, and I hope you are with me on this, I over slept because God has deemed it important that my lateness would put me in position to see somebody or something. Seeing that person or thing in some way is going to help me and in most instances, when I was late there was a person or a thing I needed to see. I strongly feel that on those days when I didn’t anyone, God was still working because there may have been someone who needed to see me.

These events have created in me the will and desire to remain positive at all costs. I have been doing this for so long that I don’t think I could think negative if I wanted to.

I have a Facebook account and I use it as a venue to talk about being positive. I am the guy with the glass that’s ½ full. Every day at 6:11 AM I will say something that will promote positivity and at times share a tool or two that could help someone get there. Please go there, become my friend (I’m Wendell Jordan Sr.) and let me know if these sayings are helpful you.

The bottom line is that my kids and your kids watch us a lot closer than they listen to us. This is why we have to be that light to show them that life is good.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

I would like to wish everyone a Happy New Year.

As a positive parent I look forward to this time of year because it gives me the opportunity to review what went on in my life during this time.  It gives me the chance to put behind me all the things that did not go well and to highlight all the things that did go well. This may sound a little self serving but, I feel it is important to be able to bring closure to things.  Closure, for me, means to shut the door on those events. The door is not shut tightly because I feel it is equally important for me to have the ability to glimpse at what I did and did not do well.

As with everyone there were many things I did last year that I would like to do over. I could act as if I never did it. This is not realistic. Once it is out there, it is out there.  So the best I can do is to put closure to the event and make notes so that I will not go that way again or so I could repeat the successes.

I believe that when failure or success happens, it is not necessarily life ending. If we look at the lives of many successful people, some of their lives were full of failures. The difference between them and everyone else is that they didn’t let those events stop them from moving forward.  We will also see that those same people didn’t stop to rest on their laurels. They keep on moving to see how far they could go.

All points of our life should be used as areas of growth.  I have to learn from everything. Every event in my life, both positive and negative, can be a stepping stone that could move me in a positive direction.

This is why I find it is so important to highlight those things that I did well. As human beings most of us are very critical of who we are and what we do. By highlighting those good things at the end of the year, it can give us hope and encouragement that we are not so bad after all.

As an example, one of the things that went well for me is my card and tee shirt business. This is the first year in three years that I made a profit. It wasn’t a large profit but, I feel it was a step in the right direction. For the past three years, at the end of each year, I looked at what I did. The thing that was holding me back was my misuse of my materials. I use a great deal of ink and card stock. What I learned from last year is that I must get better control over these materials.  So, I created a chart to show how much I spent on materials and another chart to show what I sold. The comparison of the two let me know how I was doing. This is not rocket science. What I want to show is if I had only looked at the losses in those previous years, I may have given up. I may have come to the conclusion that this business is a loser, therefore I’m a loser, so let me close up shop and go home.

The lesson I want my kids to learn is that the quality of their lives exists in between their ears. I want them to know that they can have positives lives despite what is going on around them. All the choices are theirs. If they can practice evaluating what went on the year before, they can make the necessary changes and live positively. There is nothing that could stop them.

Next year, they don’t have to be anxious over New Year’s resolutions.  They can rest assured that their lives can have meaning and their glasses will always be ½ full.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

For the past few weeks throughout the city you could feel the rumbling of the crowds. When you went into the stores you could see people sliding from one cash register to another in an attempt to pay for their items quickly so they can move to the next store to wait on the next line. I saw one lady on the subway with what seemed like a million bags. I wondered how she could carry so many gifts. When the train stopped at 42^nd Street, my question was answered when a second set of arms appeared from under her coat and picked up all those bags.  Her glowing eyes peered at me over her sunglasses.  I gave her a nod of approval and two thumbs up. It was clear that she was not going to be denied having some nice things for her family under the tree.

I usually wait until the last possible second before I begin to buy things for my loved ones. It’s not because I don’t like the Christmas season. I love this time of the year. The streets are all decorated with Christmas lights. On every other corner there are vendors selling Christmas trees. There is nothing better than the smell of those trees. The best part about this time of year is that everyone seems to be filled with holiday spirit.

George, one of my coworkers, came up with a great idea for this holiday season. Another one of our coworkers, Andy, is undergoing dialysis and is unable to work. He has been out for a few months. George thought it would be a nice gesture if we could all donate money and give Andy a nice Christmas.  The turnout was remarkable. We raised about $1500 in about three days. One of the donators, Frank, wrote a check for $500. This is what the Christmas spirit is all about.

George went to visit Andy last Saturday. He met him at the dialysis center. He gets his treatments three times a week with one of those days being Saturday.  George told us that Andy was very surprised and deeply moved  by what we had done for him .

Giving is what it is all about during this time of year. I can’t help but think about all the other Andy’s that have no one to help them. These days are very difficult for some people. The food pantries are full with people who don’t have enough to eat and Christmas is just another day that they have to fight hunger and finding a warm, safe place to live.

I am very grateful that I have a place to stay and plenty of food to eat. Before I go to bed each night I thank God for what I have. This feeling of gratitude is what I try to get my kids to develop.

In a much earlier post I explained why I feel that the myth of Santa Clause has to be exposed. I feel it is very important for kids, at an early age, to understand who is really doing the buying and in some cases what sacrifices are being made to make sure they have what they want under the tree.

In recent years I have chosen to take my kids along with me so they can pick out exactly what they want. I have them make a list of ten or eleven items. I have a certain amount of money that I am going to spend, I make them aware of that amount and off we go to have some fun. I almost always go a little over but it’s nice to watch their excitement as they pick out what they want. The only thing is that they can’t play with or use whatever is bought until Christmas.

This is what I do and if you do something else it’s OK. I promise not to talk about you, at least not in front of you. The bottom line is that we must work as hard as we can to spend as much time as we can with the people we love.

Merry Christmas!!

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

Once upon a time there was a young man who had everything to look forward to. The whole world was at his fingertips. It didn’t hurt that he was also very good looking and smart. It seemed that whatever he put his mind to, he could accomplish.  He had the perfect wife, two perfect kids and he lived in the most perfect part of town. In his mind this life would last forever.

It all began to change when a mysterious black cloud began to hover over him. At first the cloud was very small, but over time the cloud grew so large that he never saw the sun again.  Each morning when he woke up he was faced with having to live another cloudy day.

Over time this cloud began to affect him. His world was no longer perfect. It was no longer in the Palm of his hands.  He discovered that his wife of many years was not as perfect as he thought. To make matters worse he began to see flaws in his kids that made him wonder if they were possessed.

The one thing that broke the camel’s back is when THAT guy moved in next door. In his mind THAT guy destroyed his perfect neighborhood.  That guy didn’t throw wild parties nor was he overly rude. It was his presence that made the former perfect one uncomfortable.

Late one morning there was a knock on the door. It was THAT guy. He let him in and before he knew it THAT guy had grabbed him by the arm and took him to the back of the house.  When they arrived he saw something he never knew existed in his home. It was a big wall. As far as he could see to the right and to the left was this wall and in the middle was a door.

Before he could find out what was going on, THAT guy opened the door and   pushed him through it into a large hallway. As he regained his composure he watched the door close behind him. For 5 minutes he listened as each dead bolt lock clicked. He didn’t remember seeing those locks when he was on the other side.

For many days he tried everything he could think of to reopen the door. He kicked it, ran into it and banged on it as hard as he could. He hoped that someone on the other side would hear him. His attempts made him so tired that he slid down the door and sat on the floor. It was at this moment he realized that his life was over.

He remembered something a dear friend said to him many years earlier.  He told him “When one door closes another one opens but, it can be hell waiting in the hallway”.

Since he was already at the closed door, he began looking for the door that was open and there it was, on the other side of the hallway. The door was open just enough to see that there was a bright light in another room.

He did not move toward the open door. He so loved what was on the other side of the closed door. He just sat there, wishing he could be on the other side. There were times when he thought he heard someone calling his name. On another occasion he thought he heard a noise that sounded like someone was unlocking the door. All of this was nothing more than his imagination playing tricks on him.

He sat at the closed door for many years. He became very depressed and full of despair. He glanced over to open door and he wondered why hadn’t gone over there. He knew the answer and it was that he was afraid of what might be on the other side of that door. He also remembered what his friend told him,” That it could be hell waiting in the hallway”.  It became immediately clear what he had to do.

He gingerly walked over and swung the door open. What he saw amazed him. Inside the other room was a blue sky filled with so much hope and positive thinking. As he looked around, he began to wonder why he was so afraid. This is the place he definitely needed to be. He was filled with so much joy and happiness. He was even able to reunite with his wife and kids. He told them about his recent experience. His wife kissed him on the forehead and went back to shopping online; his kids patted him on the back and continued playing video games.

The one thing he learned was that once a door closes it is best to move to the open door as soon as possible. He should have never wasted his time dwelling on the past. The days that are gone, are gone. He learned that embracing change (this is what the open door represents) is what will keep his life filled with excitement and hope.

When one door closes another one opens but, it can be hell waiting in the hallway.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

We have once again come to that part of the year when the last 2 major holidays will make their appearances. It seems as I get older these years travel faster and faster.  I like this time of year because here in NYC we see real dramatic changes. For one thing, the leaves on the trees all change colors and on some streets the range of colors is really beautiful. The other thing we see is all the winter decorations that adorn some homes and businesses. Spending time in NYC in November and December is something everyone should do.

It is during this time of the year when I also reflect on the progress that I have made. I love to check how this blog is doing and I am happy to say more of you came to visit me this year than last year. This makes me feel that I am going in the right direction.

The other area I like to look at is my personal progress. I consider November my power month. I feel this way because it was during this month that I got sober (Nov. 2, 1991) and it’s also my birth month (Nov. 19). Nov. 19 is also the day I stopped smoking cigarettes (15 years ago).  So you can see why this month is so special for me.

As I look over the rest of the year there have been a few changes for me. My ten year relationship with my significant other is over, it’s been almost a year since my mom was placed in a nursing home and I lost a grandchild.

Based on this year’s events alone, no one would blame me if I were to revert back to that person who drank and smoked. I could always use the convenient excuse” the events made me do it”.

Despite what has gone on, I feel positive about the future. On my Face book page, my motto is that “I am the guy with the glass that’s half full”. I strongly believe that life can be a positive experience and that those negative things that pop up are tools to use to make us stronger.

As a positive parent, I know that my kids watch me both during good times as well as the bad times. This has been a strong motivator for me in keeping such a positive attitude. For me it’s a conscience effort to be aware of how I’m reacting to things. There are many eyes on me.

I had a great discussion with my oldest son. It was his child that died. He talked about the emotional roller coaster he had experienced. He also described that at some point in time he had found his peace.

Finding your peace can be the most significant thing you could do to get you through a difficult situation. For me it’s about calming the many voices in my head so that I can come to most reasonable solution and there are many times when I don’t get it right the first time. Trial and error are the catch words until I reach that moment of peace.

Finding your peace does not have to be limited to negative events. It is during this time of year when many people get together. This can be the best time to find your peace with your relationships. Use this time to bury the hatchet and by no means do I mean in someone’s head. The jails are full.  We must also be careful with the words we use. Some words can cut like razors, or for that matter, hatchets.

I just came up with a great idea. Create a document. Let’s see…… We could call it a peace treaty. Yeh…. In the document you could say that both of you agree to get along with each other and have the document expire next year. Each of you sign it and now the both of you are at peace until next year. I think this could work.

Find your peace!!

I would like to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!!

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

We live in a time of economic turmoil. On a daily basis we read and hear in the news of people who are losing or who have lost their main means of employment. Right now the unemployment rate is 9% nationwide. The Occupy Wall Street protests that are going on throughout the world demonstrates that many are desperate and that times will likely get worse before they get better.

As positive parents we all worry what we will do if our main place of employment closes its doors. I am very lucky. The job I’ve had has lasted for almost 25 years and it looks like I may get to the point where I will be able to retire in about 5 or 6 years. My past includes a period of time when I wasn’t working. It was during the time when I lived in Cleveland, Ohio. I lived there for about 13 years, from 1972 to about 1985. It was during this time when many of the nation’s top industries were closing or moving to Mexico or Europe or the Far East. I saw, first hand, what a ripple effect due to economic turmoil looks like.

Here in the east coast, specifically NYC, we are just beginning to feel the pain of economic turmoil. In that part of the country (I call Ohio part of the Midwest) people have been struggling for many years. There are many cities in Ohio and in the remainder of the country that have become ghost towns because the main source of employment has left or closed.

At one point in time in our country’s history people took pride in what was produced here. It is difficult find many things that are now made here. It is not uncommon that many of the products that we use every day are made in some other part of the world.  Despite this there seems to be a new movement that highlights things being made in America.

It was during those times of our country’s past that hard work and determination were the catch phrases every one used. It is important that we do not move away from these basic principles. Now more than ever, we as positive parents must continue to instill these ideals in our children.

Even though we are now in the electronic age, our kids must work hard to be able to compete. After all this new age has made the world a much smaller place and the competition is not just with those in this country. Our kids are competing with other kids from all over the globe.

My dad has taught me that hard work is the foundation for success. Success is a relative term. Success for one could be to earn one million dollars. Success for another could be to overcome an eating disorder. Despite the goal, hard work is the only way to reach it.

Since our kids watch us more closely than they listen to us, we must show them how to positively work (there are ways to get this done without burnout) and we must also show them the rewards.

The other thing that my dad taught me is that we are only responsible for the effort not the result. I interpret this as meaning that I must give it my all, at all times because it is by doing this that I have the potential to become the best person that I can be.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

Recently in the news there were reports of people who had committed suicide and in their desperation took the lives of their children. I can’t imagine what the thought process must have been just before those acts were performed.  I am never critical of those who choose that path because I do understand that some peoples suffer from all kinds of mental illness. I really thank God that I have never been in that situation. I was in therapy for about 4 or 5 years.  That experience helped me and I recommend it for those who think they need it. During one of the sessions, the therapist described what depression was and he said that in some cases people experience a chemical imbalance which causes this condition. He went on to say that other causes of depression are directly related one’s inability to get one’s way. What this means is that I have the potential to be depressed when the world is not doing what I want it to do.

In my own life, I have had situations when I wasn’t sure where my life was going. During those times I can remember the feelings of utter desperation. Although I never thought of taking my life there are times when I thought my life would remain in a rut and that I would never be able to get out of it.  It didn’t help that during some of those times I was caught in the throngs of alcohol and drug abuse. I wonder if these things played any part in those news stories. Any mind under those kinds of influences cannot perform properly. It was during those days while I was in many drunken stupors that I felt the most alone. Even after I was able to escape the clutches of those addictions, there was still this dark hole that existed around me. I want to add that I my escape was not done completely by myself. I thank God for my family and others who helped me through those times.

After ending my relationship with those terrible habits, I spent many years trying all the self help techniques in an attempt to fill the void that existed in my life. After all, I got involved with those things to fill that void.

My mom had worked for a book publisher and she would bring home many good books. Some of them autographed. One day she gave me a book and I just put it away with the many others she had given me.  During the network marketing stage of my life, I searched my pile to find that book.   The name of the book is “Think and Grow Rich: A Black Choice”. The authors were Napoleon Hill and Dennis Kimbro.  I learned sometime later that “Think and Grow Rich” was originally written in 1937. Napoleon Hill saw the need for such a reading.  This book really changed my life.

This book explained the need to change the way we look at things.  I learned that the most compelling influence in my life is the thoughts that go on between my ears. The choices are mine. I could choose to think negatively or positively.

By choosing to think positive, I find that my life has a new meaning.  I know longer see the glass as ½ empty. I see it always as ½ full.  With this outlook I see the world as a place of continual opportunities. Even when things are not going my way, I have the hope that these things will work themselves out. Although there are times when I am alone, there are few times when I feel lonely. I wonder if this book could have helped the people in those news reports.

On November 2, 2011 I will be 20 years sober. Yea!!

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

One of the things I really treasure is the relationship that exists between my sister, brother and I.  When we were very young, growing up in the Albany Houses (In Brooklyn, NY) I can remember that we were a close family. We did everything together. Although my parents knew people they did not allow a lot of outside influences to affect us.  My parents kept us in a protective bubble.  I tell people that even though these were” the projects”, life then seemed to be very good.

When we first moved in, the Albany Houses was brand new. Our address was 1414 Bergen Street. Apartment 8B.  At least that’s what I remember.  My brother and I shared a room and my sister had her own room. From the living room and the room my brother and I shared, we could look down and see what we called the “Little Park” and another building (1430 Bergen Street).  The view my sister and parents had was of Bergen Street (there was a NYC Transit Authority facility right across the street) and Dean Street.  Although we couldn’t see Atlantic Avenue, we could see the elevated train tracks of the Long Island Railroad. This apartment gave us some interesting views of our neighborhood. Some of those views became the subjects of my mother’s paintings. One of them “1430 Bergen Street” is the picture I used for this post.

I have fond memories of those days.  Life then seemed to be much simpler than it is today. I feel that the protective bubble my parents kept us in was the main reason why we felt so good about that time in our lives.

The thing I don’t remember about those times is having any sibling rivalry.  I am the oldest. My sister is two years behind me and my brother is one year behind her. Our ages were close enough where this rivalry could exist. I believe the influence of our parents kept this from happening. I never remember our parents comparing us to the other. I never heard the words “I wish you could be like your brother/sister”.  This I attribute to the way I believe our parents viewed us.  This view included seeing us as three different individuals, each with our own needs and aspirations. During those years I never felt that I didn’t get what I needed. There were many times when I didn’t get what I wanted but this is where I think they exhibited why it was so important to be my parents and not my pals. Everything I wanted I didn’t need.   The main thing they wanted to highlight was not our differences but what these differences brought to the family.

With my own kids, I’ve tried to copy this same behavior. Each of these boys has his own distinct personality. I never compare one to the other. It is my opinion that each one has his own special talents and it is my job, as a positive parent, to cultivate them. I feel that rivalries come about because kids want to be the one who gets all the attention. We see this happening in the animal kingdom. The strongest baby animal does everything he/she could do to get it all. In some cases the other babies die as a direct result of the aggression of the strongest.

As positive parents we would never want any of our kids to experience physical death. I know I want my kids to experience full and productive lives. If we allow rivalries to grow then we could set up these young minds to experience spiritual death. They could be so obsessed with trying to be number one that they can lose sight to what makes them unique.

When describing my kids I will give them each the title of number one, number two or number three. I use this to denote who was born first, who was born second and who was born third. As far as their talents and potential are concerned they are all number one. If one is having a problem in which the other one excels in, I encourage the one who is excelling to help the other.

It is my opinion that sibling rivalries can disrupt a family. As positive parents we must discourage this behavior. We must show that our differences are to be celebrated not used as tools to hold one another down.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

Two years ago I started this web site, I Love Being a Dad. To tell the truth I created this with the idea of kick starting my tee shirt and card business. I had been selling custom made shirts and greeting cards to my coworkers for a few years. I felt that I had good responses from them so I thought this idea would do well on line. The only problem with selling things on line is that you need to be known to be successful. I then began to research the ways to start a website.

In order to get ideas on how to start a website, I went to the most obvious place to get information, the web. The sites I visited all suggested that I start a blog. I found one website that explained everything in detail. Their thinking was that I use the site to talk about something that I was passionate about. The idea is that I would get traffic to my site based on the quality and consistency of my writing.   The only problem that was left was to come up with a subject that I was passionate about. This is when the idea for I Love Being a Dad came to mind. This is the one subject I felt that I could talk about in depth.

At first I thought I would only try to attract all the fathers in the world and give them a forum to express their views. I changed this because I felt that in order for me really look at parenting I had to explore the complete parenting picture. I soon adopted the theme of positive parenting.  I didn’t want to discuss the negative aspects of child rearing. I feel that there are enough websites out there with that in mind. I wanted to highlight only positive child rearing experiences.

I have never claimed to be an expert in this area. I have a degree (an Associate of Arts degree from Cuyahoga Community College) but it is not in the field of child rearing.  I use this blog to talk about my personal experiences in helping to raise three boys. I use the word help because even though I am no longer with the mothers who gave birth to these kids, their input into their growth is just as important as mine.

In the past two years I have tried to truthfully talk about my experiences. I wanted to use this site as a means through which we can compare notes.  I remember when my oldest was born. I stepped away to use the bathroom and when I returned the nurses were handing me this baby to hold.  What I don’t remember is any of the hospital personnel giving me a manual on how to raise this child. For each of my kids this has been a process of trial and error. I give a lot of credit to my dad because he demonstrated great examples on what I should do. Those include not being your child’s best friend, discipline and a host of other practices.

Talking about my positive parenting experiences has helped me to look at myself and I hope that it has offered some hope to you, that you too can be a positive parent. I want to thank all those who have taken the time to read my posts and I look forward to hearing from you in the future.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!

I can remember the attacks of 9/11/2001 as if it were yesterday.  I was at work when a coworker heard on her radio that a plane had hit one of the World Trade Center buildings. At first we all thought that this was a terrible accident. None of us were too surprised in that here in NYC and especially in lower Manhattan there are all kinds of planes and helicopters flying around.  Periodically we hear about a crash of one of these flying machines. I thought it was one of these small crafts that hit one of these buildings.

We all tuned our cassette-radios to the local news radio station which is 1010 News on AM. We were horrified to learn that it was not a small plane. We learned that it was a large commercial plane that hit one of the towers.  In my mind I wondered how could this happen? It brought to mind the many times I flew in from Ohio, going to LaGuardia Airport. On the planes I traveled on, they would all work their way to Manhattan and fly up the west side of the island and swing around for an approach to the airport. If you’re sitting on the right side of the aircraft, there is nothing more beautiful than seeing the island of Manhattan from the air. It was as if we had to say hello to this great city before we could land in Queens.

We were all talking about the terrible mistake this was. We were also talking about the effect this was going to have on the families of those both on the plane and in the building. We were all in a state of shock. How could this happen? Was it pilot error or an error in the control tower?

Before we could catch our breath another plane hit the second building. We soon found out that four planes were hijacked by Islamic terrorists. Two were flown into each of the buildings at the World Trade Center, one was flown into the Pentagon and the last crashed in a field in Pennsylvania.

The visions that will stay in my mind forever are those of the planes going into those buildings and when both of those buildings came crashing down. All of those images, to this day, leave a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I work for the Federal Government and part of the requirement to getting this job was that I had to take an exam. I took that exam in a building that is located right next to World Trade Center. That building was badly damaged, during the attack, but it is still standing and is being used today.

Many people around the country think that New Yorkers are so overwhelmed by the amount of activity that goes on here, that we are unable to experience any kind of emotion. Some think that we walk around with blank expressions, traveling from one part of the city to another. These thoughts are very far from the truth. Every time I went to that part of Manhattan, I felt proud to stand where the economic power of the world existed. These buildings were so awesome that cloud cover kept me from seeing their tops when I looked up at them. I even remember riding up to the observation tower of one of the buildings. The sight there left me breathless.

The day when these terrorist attacks took place, all of all of our cell phones became useless paper weights. Nothing worked. After a few hours, I was able to contact my oldest son and my main concern was for his well being.  “Are you Ok?”  I asked.  He quickly responded by asking me if I was OK. “After all you’re in Manhattan where the attacks took place” he said. That is when the enormity of this whole situation hit me. The truth is that I do work in Manhattan. This was the first time I got emotional about what had happened. At the same time we began to see some of the survivors of this horrific act. We knew who they were because their whole bodies were covered in dust. The transit system was shut down, so these people had walked from downtown Manhattan to where we were on the Upper West Side, some 80 blocks. I cannot, then or now, imagine what was going on in their minds.

In the ten years since these terrible acts, I have tried, as a positive parent, to keep my kids focused on what really happened on that day. It is true that Islamic terrorists took credit for killing all those people. What I have tried to impress on my kids and anyone else who will listen, is not to make their religious affiliations the central issue.  These groups of people are criminals who happened to be Muslim. I feel that the whole point of terrorism is first to instill fear into its victims and second through that fear have those victims at odds with each other, each placing blame on the other for being the cause of whatever the horrific act was.

All of us who are positive parents must work even harder to instill in our kids that they must be able to separate the criminals from their affiliations.  We should not condemn a whole group for the actions of a few. We must go after those criminals and hold them accountable for their acts. At the same time we must teach our kids that we live in a great country and that our freedoms should not be taken for granted.

GOD BLESS AMERICA

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!